For our hope, God is faithful

The cool breeze rustles through the late-summer leaves and I look up from the book in my lap. A group of children are sprinting across the field behind the school, chasing a soccer ball. The golden light is fading as the sun dips below the tops of the houses and I glance at my watch. It’s getting close to dinnertime. I wave to the kids, signaling that we are leaving the park in five minutes.

Back in the pages of the book I’m reading, I decide to finish the chapter and I unexpectedly find the words my soul has been longing for: “He who promises is faithful.” My breath catches in my throat as tears spring into my eyes. Instantly, I know this is what God has been trying to teach me for months through my stubbornness.

For all of 2017, I have known that God has been trying to teach me something important, something life-changing. I have been begging Him to make it clear to me. “Be louder,” I have pleaded with God. “I’m not getting it.” As it turns out, I didn’t need God to be louder; I needed to be quieter.

As soon as I walk in the door, I grab my Bible. With a thirsty soul, I soak in the words of Hebrews 10: Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Earlier this year, I sat on my couch, Bible open in my lap, and I screamed at God. I accused Him of not being faithful and of not seeing the hard faithfulness of His children. I didn’t believe that God would reward the faithfulness of someone I thought deserved her reward years ago.

That day, God had answered me in a quiet, firm voice. “Do you really think I am not faithful?” I had cowered and cried salty tears onto the thin pages I sought Him in, and I thought I had learned the lesson.

Now, God was prodding me once more on this topic of faith. “Let me show you something else.” He said. The first lesson on faith was that God is faithful. The next is that God is faithful so that we may have hope.

Hope does not come easily to me. I have been disappointed and hurt by those who I thought should have loved me better, and I have been heartbroken by the Church. I’m a little jaded, if we’re being honest.

But here He is, showing up for me again.

God made a way for us. He created us from dust and to dust we will return, but our souls will live on for eternity. Humanity railed against the Creator of the Universe and He responded in grace. I kick and scream against Him, but He pulls me closer until I can see His heart more clearly. God’s way is always better than ours, if only we can lay down our pride. Jesus breathed his last and then heavy darkness blanketed the earth and the veil was torn, and now we have full access to God forever.

“Come closer,” I hear. If there is any single invitation God gives me most often, it is this one. Every single day, He whispers it to my heart, longing for more of me. And the funny thing is, the closer I get, the more of God I want. The more of Him I get, the stronger my desire for quiet, intimate communion with Him becomes.

I’m learning that God is full of paradoxes because He is not either/or, He is both/and. And so the stronger my doubt becomes, the more faithful God appears.

God is faithful for a reason, for a purpose. He continually displays His faithfulness so that we know our hope is safe in Him. I had all but lost my hope in Jesus, and I didn’t even know it.